Throw it away...

Stronghold. What is a stronghold? Some people look at that word scratch their heads and go "whatever" some people look at that word and run away in the opposite direction in fear of facing the truth. For me, I didn't even know what it meant until a wise precious sunset buddy opened my eyes & explained to me, thank You Jesus! Now I understand. Stronghold is basically a wall, anything that keeps you from being close to our Savior, Jesus. It can be anything from jealously, anger, pride, emotional affairs, physical affair, lying, money, or anxiety. The way I see it, it's been said that "the sins of our fathers lead to consequences in generations and the next generations until only you have the courage and God's strength and grace to break that cycle. For example, one of my strongholds is anxiety. The earliest I remember having anxiety was in the 5th grade...5th grade! An age where a kid should be free to run and dance and have fun and not worry about school, if you got your homework done, if you left your book at school what if the teacher yells at you?I recall all those nights crying in bed because of fear of what was going on down the hallway of my house. The lights flickering. The doors slamming. The loud noise of yelling. Now that I think about it that's kind of sad. I long to feel that love that a kid should get when s/he is young. Then the next time I remember it became physical. It starts with the thoughts and questions running in your head and the more you stress on it the more you hold it inside and has no where to go. I carried it with me through high school. I carried it with me through college. I even carried it with  me when I went off to a new state, fresh out of college, not knowing anyone nor what I was getting myself into. But somewhere deep inside that little heart of mine I held onto that little bit of faith. The kind where I know I'm in the palm of Jesus's hand and somehow everything will be alright. My first year solo in a new state was kind of scary I'll admit. I enjoyed the freedom & independence but my anxiety attacks kept on coming every time I worried about the bills or being at work on time. Things that yes they matter but I've come to learn that it was part of "borrowing trouble" when you worry about something that may or may not happen. Really?! I catch myself now when I'm thinking aloud "what if da da da da OH wait that's borrowing trouble!" Identifying is the first step. Recovery comes and it's a process. Literally I see a stairway to a big ol' tunnel of light and I'm on each step you go up and you go down but once you're down you get right back on up again and march on. Onto that victory line because all this stuff, the stronghold stuff, is really just a piece of garbage you can throw away and be free. Free from all those chains holding you back from becoming the eyes and feet of Jesus. Free to serve and be healthy & whole because that's the kind of person Jesus longs for me to be. That love that I long to feel I didn't get when I was kid, I had it all along. It was deep inside my heart from my Heavenly Father. The sweet Father above who longs for me to come to His arms. "My child, you are my beloved. Come to Me."