Let go of the fear...

So I love to read. I read an amazing book called "Just between You and Me" by Jenny B. Jones. It's a novel of letting go of fear and reaching out to God and trusting Him. It was really good, so good I cried at the end!  There were a few quotes in that book that I really like. One in particular is this:


"Because you will never, ever have the life God's planned for you as long as you're holding onto that fear."


Fear can be sneaky. Fear can mess up your head when you're trying to do the right thing or seek Christ. I'm struggling with that right now with my job. I work in all hearing environment and for as long as I can remember I've never let my hearing loss get in the way of things. I feel it's a special trait to have a hearing loss. It's how you look at it. I can tell you how many times I've stumbled and fall but I get back up again with Christ's strength. Everyone goes through this. It's how you look at it.  Looking back to the past few days though right now I'm so exhausted I can't even tell you the details but I can tell you everytime I felt anxious and wanted to quit, something positive happens. Take my job for instance. I don't feel motivated to get up and go to work but I do it anyway. I try to put a smile on my face and go in with such confidence that I know Jesus wants me to do. I'll tell you it pays off. They say "actions speak louder than words" and that is true. the other day when I really really wanted to quit. one of the nurses came up to me and said "I just want you to know how much I appreciate everything you do here." I'm like "really?" she said "yes you have this smile on you all the time and look so peaceful."  I'm like "really? inside I feel like crying out and want to quit!"  As I type this I realize it's the power of the enemy trying to take me down. It's the fear. 


I'm reminded in Psalms 91:4-6: from the Message:
You who sit down in the High God's presence, spend the night in Shaddai's shadow, 
Say this: "God, you're my refuge. I trust in you and I'm safe!" That's right—he rescues you from hidden traps, shields you from deadly hazards.  His huge outstretched arms protect you— under them you're perfectly safe; his arms fend off all harm. Fear nothing—not wild wolves in the night, not flying arrows in the day,Not disease that prowls through the darkness,not disaster that erupts at high noon. Even though others succumb all around,drop like flies right and left, no harm will even graze you.You'll stand untouched, watch it all from a distance, watch the wicked turn into corpses.Yes, because God's your refuge, the High God your very own home,Evil can't get close to you,harm can't get through the door.He ordered his angels to guard you wherever you go. If you stumble, they'll catch you;their job is to keep you from falling. You'll walk unharmed among lions and snakes, and kick young lions and serpents from the path."


My Lord, my Redeemer, is always with me and as long as I keep my eyes on HIM the One who can provide strength, courage, peace and will see me through...


I also have to share this because this is so true and His word never fails. For anyone who is going through the motions reading this will give such peace.


"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest.  Walk with me and work with me-watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Matthew 11:28-30


all that fear just goes out the window after reading these not once but a few times and get it stuck on your heart...


the book of Psalms 91 captures my heart and I try to remember to read this every-time I feel afraid or anxious.  it starts with this:  “Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” Psalm 91:1"   I choose peace.    What do you choose? 

Father's Day...

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there!    A special shout out to Happy Father's day to our Heavenly Father above. One who is constantly there for us. One who is loving and just. One who is so real and created us. One who is so amazing that you never have to be afraid. One who guides us with His grace. One who is stronger than any other.  

(from Google Images)

Give yourself away...

"♥ give yourself away...be the hands & feet of Jesus..go out & make a world of  difference let this be the day you see how far His love reaches... ♥" 

 this is one of the songs I have stuck in my head...when I read the lyrics it touches my heart and really sums up life.  Over the past few days I've found myself struggling between feeling frustrated and yet trying to be positive and trusting Jesus that He is in control of all situations. Every time I've felt frustrated I turn to worship music, reading His word, or focus on little things that remind me that Jesus is here. Through it all He's here.  Here are some things that I've encountered that gave me a different perspective. 


"Take my life let it be. Take my moments and my days let them flow endless praise. Take my voice and let it sing for You my King. Take my will and make it Yours. Take my love and pour it at Your feet." 


"Through the fog there is hope in the distance from cathedrals to 3rd world missions. Love will fall to the earth like a crashing wave." 


"Because Michelle loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue her; I will protect her, for she acknowledges My name. She will call on me, and I will answer her; I will be with her in trouble, I will deliver her and honor her. With long life I will satisfy her and show her my salvation.” psalm 91:14-16


"Your heart matters more than anything else in all creations" ~ Captivating  
  this quote is interesting...our character, who we are as a person, reflects what is in our hearts. We never stop growing and it's a beautiful transformation in our Heavenly Father's eyes. 


and finally...I saw this picture after church tonight, a wonderful sermon on "Man up" accepting responsibility and Looking up to Him when we need strength. "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech in life in faith and in purity. Fight the good fight in faith. Take hold of eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses." 1 Timothy 4:12; 6:12    Reading this, I find amazing that more and more as I seek to get close to Christ and grow His love never fails. He calls us to Him, and instills different gifts in us so in the end we all become One with Him. 

I love the sky! This morning during my commute to work I saw the most beautiful sky God painted for me to see. colors were mixed of periwinkle, 2 different shades of blue (baby blue and royal blue) and the sun rising up from the other side. I so badly wanted to take a picture but that's illegal here! :o) Instead I captured the picture in my heart and thanked Jesus for such a beautiful image. While watching the sky change, I heard "Blessings" - Laura Story and "Blessed be the Name" play on the radio and praised Him for He is good! 

Throw it away...

Stronghold. What is a stronghold? Some people look at that word scratch their heads and go "whatever" some people look at that word and run away in the opposite direction in fear of facing the truth. For me, I didn't even know what it meant until a wise precious sunset buddy opened my eyes & explained to me, thank You Jesus! Now I understand. Stronghold is basically a wall, anything that keeps you from being close to our Savior, Jesus. It can be anything from jealously, anger, pride, emotional affairs, physical affair, lying, money, or anxiety. The way I see it, it's been said that "the sins of our fathers lead to consequences in generations and the next generations until only you have the courage and God's strength and grace to break that cycle. For example, one of my strongholds is anxiety. The earliest I remember having anxiety was in the 5th grade...5th grade! An age where a kid should be free to run and dance and have fun and not worry about school, if you got your homework done, if you left your book at school what if the teacher yells at you?I recall all those nights crying in bed because of fear of what was going on down the hallway of my house. The lights flickering. The doors slamming. The loud noise of yelling. Now that I think about it that's kind of sad. I long to feel that love that a kid should get when s/he is young. Then the next time I remember it became physical. It starts with the thoughts and questions running in your head and the more you stress on it the more you hold it inside and has no where to go. I carried it with me through high school. I carried it with me through college. I even carried it with  me when I went off to a new state, fresh out of college, not knowing anyone nor what I was getting myself into. But somewhere deep inside that little heart of mine I held onto that little bit of faith. The kind where I know I'm in the palm of Jesus's hand and somehow everything will be alright. My first year solo in a new state was kind of scary I'll admit. I enjoyed the freedom & independence but my anxiety attacks kept on coming every time I worried about the bills or being at work on time. Things that yes they matter but I've come to learn that it was part of "borrowing trouble" when you worry about something that may or may not happen. Really?! I catch myself now when I'm thinking aloud "what if da da da da OH wait that's borrowing trouble!" Identifying is the first step. Recovery comes and it's a process. Literally I see a stairway to a big ol' tunnel of light and I'm on each step you go up and you go down but once you're down you get right back on up again and march on. Onto that victory line because all this stuff, the stronghold stuff, is really just a piece of garbage you can throw away and be free. Free from all those chains holding you back from becoming the eyes and feet of Jesus. Free to serve and be healthy & whole because that's the kind of person Jesus longs for me to be. That love that I long to feel I didn't get when I was kid, I had it all along. It was deep inside my heart from my Heavenly Father. The sweet Father above who longs for me to come to His arms. "My child, you are my beloved. Come to Me." 

All to You

All to You, I surrender, everything all of me... You chose me, dear Lord, Your beloved because of You I am free. As I look back on last week's events I realize and can see more and more the impact of prayer. Prayer is so powerful when you're filled with the Holy Spirit. the best thing is when praying for someone else. It takes your focus off your own problems. Everyone has a story to tell, everyone has problems it's normal then again what is normal anyway? We live in such a fallen world and there's only so much light we can shine through the darkness. In the midst of our busyness  or drama we forget what matters most in life. People. Jesus. It's so easy to fall into temptation we all want we all need. In the end it comes down to our character. We can be comfortable in a place for so long. BAM! New focus, new change, new setting, new fears. I'm actually excited because it's normal to be nervous but there's always someone out there trying to rob you from your joy. the more I seek Christ the more I long to be near the more I thirst for a challenge to grow in my walk with Jesus the less my anxiety. It truly is an amazing blessing. "In Him & through faith In Him we may approach God with freedom & confidence" ~ Eph. 3:12.  "I trust in Your unfailing love. My heart rejoices in Your salvation." ~ Psalm 13:5.  All that matters is I belong to Him, my Maker, my everything and nothing can get in the way, not even a stick! :o)

Letter from my heart

Dear God,

Thank you for saving me. Thank you for sending Jesus, Your one & only Son, for being my future & hope for preparing me a place where I can live forever in peace & joy. Thank you for my undeserving grace for molding me to become the person you want me to be. Thank you for being bigger than I, knowing I cannot do it all, for putting me through everything; good and bad all because You love me. Thank you Jesus, for being my light during the dark times, the Truth in the midst of lies, my peace when my fear is surrounding me. I believe in You, the only One who can set me free from everything. Thank you for being my King and while I'm living in this temporary place, I ask that You lead and I follow. Most importantly, I can't wait to see Your shining face and dance with You! :o)

Love,
Michelle

small stuff

Have you ever really stopped what you're doing and look around the room or outside and really breathe in the air? I was running some errands today and the beautiful sun was shining all day, I looked up and there were blue skies & thought "Lord the sky is still blue for my hope is in You, You're my joy" I looked around there were green everywhere and some flowers. Then I thought "God makes everything beautiful on His time" that includes planning.... I learned in college that "while we're down here planning, God is up there laughing" Maybe He's laughing, maybe He's not but bottom line is we can plan, but sometimes things don't always go the way we want it. For me when things go wrong, I freak out. I cry. I become anxious and stressed. Once I can let go of that thought and think of His word it calms me. "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged." ~ Deuteronomy 31:8   Wow. I read that verse and memorize it many times and each time has a new meaning to me. It's that peaceful feeling knowing I'm okay in the palm of His hands no matter where I go He's there. He's there during the storms, He's there during the happy times and He's there during the scary times. Most of all, He's there through the littlest things in life: a sunrise, sunset, a worship song on the radio that touches your heart and next thing you know you're praising Him in the car, the verse you're reading that day, the people you meet throughout the day. I used to always say "I know God is here, but sometimes I wish He was here with skin!" Ironically, that's why He provides us people in our lives. Life isn't about materials or things it's about relationships with people and having a relationship with Jesus. The more I seek Him everyday the more I'm falling in love with my Savior and not sweating the small stuff that makes me anxious.  :o)  Happy Friday!

Summer Fun

okay so technically it's not summer yet but it FEELS like summer...tonight I got to hang out with the sweetest girl, we did some girl talk, had snow-balls, and watched a movie: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.  If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend to check it out!  During the movie I was smiling the entire time okay maybe not the entire time but it was good! One quote from that movie hit me and really made me think back to the time my anxiety was so bad and now looking back I can say it's been a blessing! I'm so blessed not to have physical spasms anymore. I have anxiety now and then but it's not as bad as it was before. I've learned that anxiety is like fear. It's been said that "You can run but you can't hide." True that! Now that I really think about it, maybe I've been running, running for so long because I'm afraid to face what lies ahead. It's that time now where I stop running. I'm facing my fears, my giants, my strongholds, and a child of God does not have a heart of fear. He gives you a heart that is whole worthy, filled with good fruit, His wisdom, and Truth. Anxiety, if I had to describe it in one word, it'd be lies. That's a post for another time.  I know in my heart of hearts that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" ~ Philippians 4:13, one of my life verses. So back to the quote from the movie: "You doubt your value; don't run from who you are! A noble warrior does not run from fear! You've got an extraordinary destiny, something greater than you could have imagined! You have returned for a reason, your adventure begins now!" YOUR adventure begins NOW...how are you living your life? Are you living in fear? Or are you living in Truth, a Truth that can set you free?  

He will carry you through the storm

a wise friend once told me "imagine yourself in a big strong ship with the winds & waves threatening around you. Christ is the ship. Hang on tightly and don't let go. Everything is gonna be alright." ~ miss that chick! But really, when you think about it life isn't always cute puppies & roses...sometimes there are storms.. bad days.. but it is during those storms that Jesus works best. Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives, cancer, anxiety, broken hearts, depression, anger, you get the idea; doesn't always happen for our good. Sometimes it happens to help another person life. In the book of Matthew 14:30 Peter was in a boat and saw Jesus walking on water. He asked if that was really Him and got out of the boat to run toward Him verse 30 says "but when Peter saw how strong the wind was, he was afraid & started sinking. "Save me Lord!" he shouted."   What can we get out of this story?  One thing I learned is, never take your eyes off Jesus.  Most of the time the trials, pain, struggles happen so that we can grow and become closer to Jesus. I've learned that over and over in my share growing up in a deaf family, going to college, moving to a new state and not knowing anybody. Keeping my faith and eyes on Jesus is what got me through those storms. There's no greater feeling than being in the arms of Jesus a comforting peaceful place. 

Keep looking up! :)

Sweet music to my ears...

most people take the gift of hearing for granted...as someone who is hearing impaired music is a huge passion to me. I like the country kind and worship kind...   Lately I haven't been able to hear very well, they say after 5 years hearing aides start to die out. I'm getting that affect :(  Have no fear! I can still hear some and I'm a skilled lip-reader ;)   the past two days during my commute to work which is about 45 + minutes I heard the exact same song playing twice, clearly, not every word but the chorus and tune is sweet to my soul.  I heard it again tonight while leaving Panera Bread from my bible study group.  The song gets me every time, I cried in the beginning, but happy tears because I know deep in the little heart of mine Jesus makes my life complete. Now I smile. 


"cause what if your blessings come through raindrops what if your healing comes through tears what if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near what if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life is the reveling of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy what if the trials of this life the rain the storms the hardest nights are Your mercies in disguise" ~ Laura Story 


It warms my heart and I feel blessed to hear just a glimpse of that song but reading the lyrics the words couldn't be more truer.  Life, we can all agree is complicated, but if we take the good with the bad and smile with the sad and thank Jesus for the pain we had  we know we're more than conquerors!


What songs or Voice are you listening to?  

brand new day

It's a new day! The sun is shining & life is good :o)  Read this verse this morning and it took my breath away.

“Then I saw New Jerusalem, that holy city, coming down from God in heaven. It was like a bride dressed in her wedding gown and ready to meet her husband. I heard a loud voice shout from the throne: God's home is now with his people. He will live with them, and they will be his own. Yes, God will make his home among his people. He will wipe all tears from their eyes, and there will be no more death, suffering, crying, or pain. These things of the past are gone forever.”  Revelation 21:2-4