To get a full story one must start with the Beginning. In the beginning was silence. Loud noises from the television screen, voices of familiar people, lights flicking, doors slamming. The home of the deafening surrounded by hearing sounds high pitches low pitches but nothing from behind. This is my story.
From the earliest I can recall, I was born hearing. I spoke like any other child yet there was something different. I had speech therapy. I hated math but I loved English and Reading. I recall trying to pronounce big words like "encyclopedia" My grandmother would break it down until I learned to pronounce it.
Over the years my hearing loss gradually became worse. I've always worn hearing aids. Mom's side of the family most of them were born hearing then became Deaf. My dad is the only one in his family Deaf. Genetics I figured, a mix of two worlds. I loved being in both worlds to learn the culture what it's like to hear & what's like in the silence.
During my last year of college I realized I was set to enter a new world -- "where do I go from here? it all used to be so clear" A world where independence rules, lessons learned, faith grows. I leaned about a new technology called Cochlear Implant (CI)s. I am an open minded person eager to learn to grow. I strive to succeed. I've always had to work harder to try to hear everything because I wanted to I didn't like to be left out. When my ears failed, I've relied on other senses, vision and body language to accommodate in communication. Yet I hold onto the hope one day I would hear really hear because I've always loved music. Music is one way my Heavenly Father speaks to me.
My hearing began to decrease and it was time for a change. "I'm finding I can't do this on my own. I will TRUST in YOU" .
I went to the audiologist and long story short she told me I was a candidate for CI. Panic arose, my chest ached, my heart felt like it stopped. "Say what?!" I felt pressured yet somewhat excited. "Is it time I thought?" Everything I do I want it do it for YOU, Lord, I prayed. I received advice, prayed about it, spoke to good friends about it, I figured "Life is short, why not?" I take risks. I took a leap of faith when I left home almost 4 years ago to a new state for a job, newly graduated from college, barely any money. All I had was my faith.
I've always struggled to find where I belong: hearing or Deaf? I don't like to pick one. I speak for myself yet I can communicate in American Sign Language, the beauty of two worlds is Love collides.
I dream big. I dream of two worlds coming together, Love, at the center. "Whatever Your Will, Have Your way" "I give you fear You give faith I give you doubt You give grace." "If there's a road I should walk, help me find it, if I need to be still give me peace for the moment..."
By the beginning of 2013 I started my journey at Johns Hopkins New beginnings. Excitement arose. My heart was full of joy and peace all details were out of my hands. My doctor explained the procedure in a visual manner. I met with the audiologist, got my hearing tested then the wait began. the wait for a surgery date.
I was told it would be about 2 months before I get a date. Two weeks later on March 1, 2013 I received email if the following Friday would work. So many emotions ran through my head: joy, nerves. From the beginning I had no idea how the planning would take place, who would take me, the finances.
Out of the blue, a month before my appointment a close friend asked if she could take me when I have surgery. I said YES! The thing with faith is when doors are open especially ones you least expect, to me, is a sign that it's a gift from God and to walk through it to see where He takes me, cooperating with Him.
So I had my ride taken care of, bags packed. the night before I had a slight feeling what if something happens. I had received a phone call that my insurance had not yet approved surgery. I took risk to show up in case there was a last minute approval. Whatever it would be, I'm going for the ride!
My friends & I showed up March 8th as scheduled and waited and waited and waited. After a few hours, several phone calls later I was informed they could not get approval and the surgeon waited as long as he could. Receiving this news all my hope lost, out came tears. I was upset and disappointed yet deep down there was HOPE that HE'S GONNA MAKE IT HAPPEN IN HIS TIME not mine!
One week later March 15, I woke up with excitement thanking JESUS for this glorious day, the day my life changes for all His glory. Literally in the shower this day I told God whatever happens I'm doing this for You. Thank you for this opportunity to use me.
After an hour and half later I woke up with soreness in my throat. My first question was " did they nick the nerve?" Every surgery comes with risk but I trusted I was in the best hands possible and whatever happens, happens. After finding out everything went fine "she was strong & healthy" said my surgeon.
One month later was "activation day" the day they turn the program on. Cochlear Implant is a programmed device inside the ear and an outside device programs what's inside. For me, my hope is to talk on the phone, hear music clearly because I LOVE music, and hear all kinds of sounds and conversations from behind. I was told to talk on the phone it takes about 18 months to 2 years. Relearning sounds like a child is the best way to explain it.
I'll wait on You, Lord. Trusting He will guide me to open up my ears for His glory.
This day was celebrated with some of my closest friends who had been so supportive during this journey with me. My audiologist explained the process and gave me directions to watch my friends while they talked so I can pick up when I would hear my first sound with my CI device and what I would hear. She explained I would hear "drums" I heard the drums but it wasn't like regular rock band drum it sounded mellow a gentle tone drum. At this moment I realized the sound was increasing and my eyes widen my mouth dropped when I shouted "it's LOUD!"
The sense of hearing is a gift most people take for granted. We all knew I would be hearing great things but never realized I would be hearing some things for the first time!
Little by little I picked up sounds.
Having this CI has been life changing. I don't know where my new journey will take me but I do know for the moment I'm working at a functional level in a hearing environment. I didn't always be confident of myself. I was afraid to go to places alone. I didn't know how to connect with people let alone have a conversation. I always had anxiety worrying details if I could hear. Now? My Daddy guides me in His love, I can confidently go to places, sit in the 4th row at church no matter what section. I've gone to my First Real Concert by Sidewalk Prophets. I heard "Help Me Find It" on the radio, really hear it and sang my heart out. Had a bathroom conversation between stalls without lip-reading, Doors began opening I walk hand in hand with the One who loves like no other. The Almighty Powerful Miracle Worker whose faithfulness and greatness is to be praised.
It's now 4 months since activation day, I can now talk on the phone! I am still learning to identify sounds, but my Jesus loves me so much He gives me a better way to hear when I struggle with equipment problems and not being able to do my listening homework online He is faithful.
"Even if it hurts. Have Your way"
Anyone who struggles with obstacles, let me tell you, you bump it up. I call it Bump it up because I have a bump on the side of my head and to put the device on, to "find it" you have to find the bump and go up. Roll with grace and live with endless dreams because Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world.
I definitely could not have done this without the guidance of our great God who faithfully carried me under His grace into the uncertainty to endless possibilities. It takes real blood, sweat, guts and risk to go out and do something that He would call you to only to bring Him the glory. He opened up my ears so I can hear now He's opening up my eyes to help me see to become the person I am fearfully and wonderfully made in His eyes.
"Help Me Find It" is a beautiful written song that reminds me whatever road you walk on, you can walk your way or take His way He will help you find it when you cooperate with Him
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsjZ94K7UQs.
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